It's Not Immigration that Stinks, It's Your Undergarments

LOS ANGELES, California---Every private investigator needs several pairs of undies at the ready in case of emergency. It's crucial. One never knows when they will have to chase down a lead in the pouring rain, or someone pulls a gun on you and you soil yourself. Happens every time.



But, these days, besides white, it's impossible to buy a pack of men's undergarments that isn't multi-colored. Even grey is sold in 50 shades of grey. It's obscene. Though I can't speak for everyone, the only variable of consequence, most days, is level of cleanliness. It takes an extra 4 seconds per day to choose the color of undies. That's 21 years of a person's life and about $13.62 trillion in worker productivity per year, just picking out undies!

When did the world go mad?

-P.M.